1. Compliment her, Women love being complimented. Be sincere and courteous in your compliments and draw the line. Salacious or strong remarks might backfire.

Compliment her smile or her eyes and tell her she is beautiful. You can talk about her attire and be respectful. Say something, such as “The dress looks amazing on you” or “That’s a lovely dress!” Keep it short, impactful, and genuine, and do not go overboard. The idea is to make a good impression. Too many compliments might make you come across as creepy, needy, or insincere.

2. Greet her, you don’t always have to use a corny pick-up line to approach a girl you like. Sometimes, a simple ‘Hi” goes a long way. Put on your best smile and greet her warmly with a simple “Hello.” Work on your body language and be open, relaxed, and confident.
Do not forget to make eye contact and be attentive while greeting. Maintain a respectable distance and do not intrude on her personal space. Observe her reaction while deciding your next approach. If she seems uninterested, step back.

3. Introduce yourself to her, when you meet someone new, it is good to tell them about yourself and get them interested. Start the conversation by telling her your name, and if she looks at you with interest you can continue to say something about your profession or interests. Sharing why you approached her might intrigue her too.
You can use a funny anecdote to make your introduction livelier. Keep it short and sweet. If you talk too much about yourself, she will probably feel you are too self-absorbed. While talking about yourself, notice her body language. If she smiles or appears to listen intently, then the conversation is probably going well but be sure to ask her questions as a follow-up.

4. Refer to a common thing that connects, starting a conversation by talking about something common between the two of you helps establish an instant connection. If you are at a party, you could say, “It’s a nice party, right?” or “Do you know the host?” and take it from there based on the response. If you have met through mutual friends, you can ask her how she knows that mutual friend. While initiating conversation, be casual but show interest.

5. Use a pick-up line, a pick-up line can be a great way to break the ice. Pick-up lines can be corny, but you will score a brownie point if they make her smile or laugh. Body language, delivery, and the content of the line matter. If your posture is relaxed, your eyes twinkle with amusement, and the delivery is confident, you can make a great impression. As for the content, consider the setting, the mood, and your intention.
You could try something subtle, such as, “My friends think angels are a myth. Can you please meet them and prove them wrong?” or a romantic pick-up line, such as, “I thought my day couldn’t get any better, but then I saw you and realized I may have just met the woman of my dreams.”

6. Ask her about her interests, asking someone about their likes and interests can help you build a rapport and keep the conversation flowing. You can be indirect if you don’t want to seem too forward. If you see her enjoying a song in the club, you could say, “I love this song!” “Do you like it too?” If she replies affirmatively, you can follow this up with the question, “Did you listen to the new single by this singer? It’s groovy too!”.
You can use the direct approach as well. It’s good to stick to neutral topics in the beginning. Refrain from asking personal questions. Ask her about the movie she recently enjoyed, the TV show she binges on, and the type of food she likes. When she starts talking, pay attention and repeat some of what you hear. Girls like guys who are good listeners.

8. Request for her guidance, asking her for a suggestion or help can be a good way to break the ice if you are nervous about approaching her directly. If you work at the same office, you may ask for her guidance in a particular project. In college, you could approach her for notes or ask for study tips. If you meet at a party, start by asking her for directions or feedback on the food or drink.

9. Sending her a sweet good morning text is a great way to occupy her thoughts. You could text a short and impactful message like, “Hey, was thinking about you so thought to check in with you. Have a great day!” or compliment her by saying, “Talking to you makes my morning coffee more refreshing and sweeter. Good morning!” Send the message and wait for her reply. Don’t bombard her with texts if she doesn’t reply.

10. Share a flirty message, sending a flirty text could work well if you have known her for quite some time. Some light-hearted flirting can be a mood uplifter and adds spice to any conversation. If she flirts back, you can even ask her out for a cup of coffee! You could say, “Every time I think about you, a smile lights up my face.”
You can also playfully tease her a little by saying, “You were in my dream last night. Did you miss me that much?” or “I adore everything about your beautiful laughter, even the cute little snort you make.” End the text with a smiley face to reinforce the fact that you are just teasing.

11. Talk about a future event, it is a simple way to start the conversation with a girl who has recently shared her number with you. It would be an ice breaker, and you wouldn’t come across as creepy or desperate. You can start with a question or a statement. If a mutual friend’s party is coming up, you could ask, “Hey are you coming for the party tonight?” or you could say, “Hope to see you at the party tonight.”

If you are in college and a test is coming up, you can start the conversation by saying, “All set for the test tomorrow? I am super anxious about it.” You can also start the conversation by talking about an upcoming holiday, for example, “Hey, it is Christmas next week. I am very excited. What are your plans?”

12. Share something that she enjoys, a relatable meme or a cute photo is a great way to lift someone’s spirits and get the conversation flowing. If it’s a funny meme, you can share it with a message, “Hilarious, isn’t it?” If it is a video that you think she would find adorable, text her, “This made me think of you” with a smiley face.

She may appreciate you for lifting her spirits and making her laugh. But be careful not to load her phone with too many messages, or she might start ignoring them.

13. Request recommendations, asking her opinion is not only a fantastic conversation starter but also sends a message that you value her opinions. It is also a great way to know her views and choices. You can ask for her recommendations about various things. For example, you can text, “Hey, thinking about watching a new show/movie, any suggestions?”

If you are a foodie, it would be a great idea to know her food preferences. You can bring up the topic by texting, “Was planning to eat out today; any restaurant recommendations?” If she loves food too, she would happily recommend several places. In case the conversation continues positively, you can even ask her to join you.

14. Ask stimulating questions, posing interesting open-ended questions can help you know each other well and keep the conversation alive. Questions such as, “What is the weirdest thing you have done?” would result in tons of stories exchanged back and forth. Hypothetical questions, such as, “If you were given one superpower for a day, which one would you choose and what would you do?” can also keep things interesting.

You can also go for this-or-that questions. For example, “Pizza or pasta?” “Friends or The Office?” “Mountains or beach?” You can cover a wide range of topics with this and uncover plenty of things about one another. Avoid yes or no questions as they can end a conversation quickly.

15. Share random but interesting stuff, sometimes, random but exciting things can change the mood, leading to a great conversation. Choose facts that suit the time, occasion, or her personality. You can add a question related to the fact. For instance, if it is time for her coffee, you could send her this: “Did you know coffee helps you live longer? How many cups do you have in a day?”

You can state a fun fact about music. For example, “Did you know that the kind of music you listen to impacts the way you perceive the world? What are you currently listening to?” And, the conversation can go on.

16. Create suspense, texts that create mystery can be a great way to intrigue her, and she may reply faster. The key to such texts is the amount of information shared. You can go for texts such as, “Hey, today, the most amazing thing happened.”

Using the topic of her interest and creating suspense would make her excited. For instance, text her saying, “Hey, I was watching “Stranger Things” as per your recommendation, and I have a crazy theory. I can’t wait to share it with you.” If you go to the same college, you can use that reference to create a mystery. For example, “You wouldn’t believe what Professor Jones did in class today.” The right amount of mystery can entice her into a conversation.

17. Be quirky, showing your sense of humor and quirkiness can get you noticed faster and make a great impression. Send a quirky message with a question or try to keep the message unique and light. Avoid anything offensive, and do not go overboard with the humor.

You can say, “Hey, fellow Game of Thrones fan, I think Lord Baelish is smarter than Lord Tyrion. What is your opinion?” If she is wearing a t-shirt in her profile picture, you can go with, “Hey, I have the same t-shirt you are wearing in your profile picture. Are you sure you didn’t steal mine?” Go with something silly which could make her smile, “Hey, your cat is so adorable! My cat is mesmerized and would like you to share her number?”

18. Take her profile’s help, check the bio or description of her social media handles to get cues on how to start the conversation. If she has mentioned she is a book lover, you can start by saying, “Hey, I see that you are a bibliophile. Which is the last book that you found interesting? I loved “A Man Called Ove.”

Suppose she mentioned that she likes a particular show, you can text, “Hey, your profile says you love Friends; I love it too. Who is your favorite character?” If she is an avid traveler, you can write, “I am pleased to come across a fellow globetrotter. Where was your last trip?”

19. Drop the name of your mutual friend, if you find mutual friends on social media, you can use their names to kickstart a conversation. It will help establish a better connection as she would give you a better chance than a random guy with no common friends. You can say things such as, “Hey, I came across your profile and saw that we both know Matt. He is my college buddy. How do you know him?”

20. Use the posts she shared, her posts can tell you many things about her personality. You can use them to break the ice and connect with her online. If she has shared cute dog videos, you can start the conversation by referring to the dog you own or expressing your love for dogs. For example, “Hey, the dog video you shared is adorable. It reminds me of my lovely lab, Leo. Which dog do you have?” If she shares a cake recipe, you can ping her online, “Hello, that cake recipe you shared looks delicious. I wish to give it a shot. Any tips before I start?”.

21. Aks her permission, asking for permission before starting a full-fledged conversation online shows that you are considerate and polite. She wouldn’t consider you a threat and might give you a chance. You can start by telling her why you thought about messaging her and then proceed to ask for her consent. For example, “Hi, I came across your profile and found it very interesting. We have similar interests. Do you mind if we chat for a while?” You can also go with, “You seem like a really cool person. Are you free to chat for some time?”.

Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon
(Ph.D. Psychology)

Shikha Thakur